Searching

It's been happening for years. I lust for creative energy, ideas, production. I yearn for projects that will keep me busy and bear fruit. I get them, but at the worst possible times, when I'm nowhere near a computer. I make mental notes and think to myself "oh I'll definitely remember this" or "no way this will seem boring or stupid to me when I get home later."  Then I get home, and nothing. Work and life in general have been champions the past few years at eating away everything I ever sought to be or become as an adult....which really isn't much.

Alas, I need to just quit my job, relationship, and forgo all responsibility. Live by my own schedule with not a shred of time influenced by society. That's what it would take for me to update this blog regularly. I kid.

However, the lean chase years have been stacking up with alarming regularity in recent times, and my attempts to seek out chase-related satisfaction have been various, at times interesting, but all have fallen short of sustainable contentment. But I'm still feeling my way around the room on this, groping and hoping I can grasp something with which to pull me out of this chasing/creative funk I've been in.

I even considered trying to write again, albeit very briefly, but I lack both the discipline and (if we're being honest) ability to do the art justice, at least by my own standards. I used to thrive as a child, penning various stories, poems, songs, because it was easy, fun, and I was young with a great appreciation for everything, because everything was still new. Over the years writing became more therapy than anything, until the point at which my moods were so heavy, I couldn't even put them onto paper (or a screen as it were). Nope, writing alone wasn't going to be the cure.

I did enjoy the initial run of DEAD CHASERS SOCIETY, although looking back at the first "season" if you will, it seems it was mostly an exercise in trying to find an identity with the project. Having been away from it for some time now, I find that I'm getting ideas I never had previously, and am open to trying new things that didn't appeal to me prior. And that's the happy ending to this particular entry: DEAD CHASERS SOCIETY will be back, in a new, more polished form. The shows will be shorter, more focused, and include features beyond me just sitting in front of a camera bitching. The biggest change will be the fact the new shows will all be pre-recorded and uploaded at a later time for viewing.

I've said for years I wanted someone to come along and take the torch we created years ago with The Debris Show, but no one ever really has. Oh, there have been other things, but they had their own identities, audiences, and most never lasted. But I don't care about that anymore, because nobody's going to follow me. I'm going to continue blazing a trail that no one's seen before, and I'm going to keep tweaking things until I find that sweet spot. This new phase (season 2 I suppose) of DCS will be my next 'tweak' and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm hoping that by blending three very natural things for me together (chasing, humor, and a video camera) I can break some new ground, and maybe finally crossover into that broad audience appeal that's eluded me forever with previous shows and DVDs. There's certainly enough low-hanging fruit out there in internet land to achieve it. The only question is, will I be too smart for them?